There shall be no reconciliation without justice.

Today is Noynoy Aquino's inauguration as the new Philippine president.
The part of his speech that really made an impact on me was this:

"There shall be no reconciliation without justice."

...Hindi naman pwedeng umupo na lang tayo at mag-usap na parang wala lang nangyari..."

And then I remembered my sadistic mother. This is the exact reason why me and my mother are still estranged.

Kudos Noynoy. You could not have said it better.

I remember my mother series: 3. Fake apologies.

I remember my mother telling me...

"Sorry, kung feeling mo may nagawa akong mali..."
(Sorry, if you feel I did something wrong...)

She almost killed me and all, and then this is the only thing she has to say...
This is basically an offensive verbal attack disguised as an apology.

I just want to say that whenever someone apologizes to you along these lines, never ever accept it. The sincerity of this person is dubious to say the least.

It is the equivalent of saying:

"I believe that I did nothing wrong to you. But sorry anyway, if that is what you want to hear..."

Anybody who apologizes in this manner should be rejected and not be trusted.

I remember my mother series: 2. My very first traumatic experience.

I was watching a segment on Bebe GandangHari (formerly Rustom Padilla) on a TV show recently. There he gave details on his very first traumatic experience as a child, and how that experience stuck to his head and affected the way he is while growing up. He told the interviewer that he was only 3 years old at that time and he suffered physical violence at the hands of his father. His mother then just allowed his father to beat him. He was so young and yet he still remembers it vividly.

OMG. I can totally relate to this. I also had my very first traumatic experience with my mother while I was around that age like BB. This experience I still so remember vividly.

I remember I was being scolded by my mother because I could not write the letter X properly in my name. (pauses to hold back the tears...). I tried my best, but I still cannot get my writing to be correct.
Then she started to shout and yell at me. She was holding my hands while I was writing. She started writhing and squeezing my hand. I was in pain. She started cursing me, like (p*t*ng ina mo... and other obscenities.) I was just 3 years old.

I remember I cried. But this only made her more furious. (pauses to hold back the tears...). She took a leather belt, and then she started whipping me with it. She said that if I cry, she will whip me more. Tears just flow from my eyes. I could not help it. She started whipping me harder. It was painful. I had rashes in my legs and back after that. I was only 3 years old. I remember my father being there behind us all that time. He was just observing what was happening. While being whipped by my mother, I looked at him and my eyes pleaded for help. My mother got angrier. She whipped me harder. My father just nodded at me as if he was silently approving of my mother's violence. I did not even get help from him. He just sat there and did nothing. I was traumatized. (pauses to let the tears fall). I was still trying my best to write the letter X on paper. At every mistake, I get a whip lash from the leather belt. I hear more curses. Tears get to fall from my eyes uncontrollably. And then, the whip lash gets harder. I mustered all my strength there to hold back the tears. No one was there to help me. No one was there to feel for me.

After what seemed like forever, I finally got to write my name correctly on paper. The cursing stopped. The whipping stopped. But I did not get any congratulations or any sort of affection for my effort. I never felt my mother regretted hurting me. I was still crying at that time. But I was crying from the inside. From then onwards, I had a very different view of my mother and my father. I became scared to cry even when I have to. Things will never be the same for me again.

I remember my mother series: 1. Horrible Memories of my Mother

When I think of my mother, only bad things come to my mind. I cannot even begin to describe the horror. I do not even know where to begin my story... But with this blog, I may be able to put down the things that haunt me... This is a series that will list down some of the events associated with my mother... Needless to say, I do not like her. I do not love her. She is sadistic. More to come...

There is a such a thing as bullshit parents.

I just want to say that there is as much bullshit parents out there as there are bullshit children. In my case, my mother is a total bullshit. She is a sadistic bitch that deserves to go to hell. More on the details about this as I blog along in the future.